It’s a hell of a world out there. You may think you know someone. But doesn’t that sound a bit too convenient? Wouldn’t you like to know what your business associate is really up to when he’s out of the office? Don’t you think you owe it to your marriage to find out if your wife’s “sewing circle” is on the up-and-up? That’s where I come in. Gene Parmesan, Private Investigator, at your service. Some folks think that privately funded espionage is a dime-a-dozen business, but Parmesan clients agree that I’m the best.
Sure, you could follow suspects all day in your car, maybe sift through their garbage or mail. But isn’t that just what they’re expecting? You have to play your cards a bit closer to the chest, my friend. I mean, you wouldn’t give a second thought to a boisterous, brightly clad street accordionist would you? Or how about a boisterous, brightly clad hotdog vendor? Of course not. It’s the element of disguise that begets the element of surprise.
It’s all part of my proven strategy to lull the targets into their natural behavior, and comes standard within my billable hours and dry cleaning fees. Call now and I’ll throw in an official Gene Parmesan T-shirt. The lightweight, baby blue fabric is guaranteed to help you blend in with any crowd and lets people know, “Hey! I’ve got Gene’s eye on you!”
Wear this shirt: while standing against a blue wall, fleeing to Mexico, or screaming, “Ahhh! Gene!”
Buy this shirt for: a Quincy Jones aficionado, that aspiring party planner, or your son’s new girlfriend. (Her?)
This shirt goes well with: false noses, spirit gum, an inconspicuous foreign accent.